Saturday, April 28, 2012

You're not really going to name your kid that, part 2

I realized the other night that there was a glaring omission from my last post. I toyed with the idea of just adding an update, and then I decided that this one deserved its own post. This realization came from watching a news clip from MSNBC in which Democratic strategist Krystal Ball was a contributor. Yes, that is her real name. Google her if you don't believe me. I'll wait.


Obviously her name did not hold her back in life. Her resume is pretty impressive. I think she is awesome for many reasons, not the least of which is how she responded when some "racy" photos of her were leaked to the media. I haven't seen the photos, but from what I understand, they weren't any worse than photos I've seen on some of my friends' facebook pages. But I digress. My point is, despite her success in life, her parents still deserve to be bitch slapped for giving their child such a name. As they are, according to Ms. Ball's wikipedia page, well-educated professionals, I can only assume that their decision to name their daughter Krystal Ball was meant to be ironic, and you just don't do that to a kid.

You may think that my issue with the name Krystal Ball is that the first name and last name combine to describe an inanimate object, much like naming your child Chanda Lear or Rusty Potts. But, although that is tacky and trashy, it's also an issue that's been addressed before now. Or maybe you think my issue is with the name Krystal alone, being as the first thing that pops into my mind when I hear the name, along with names like Britney and Destiny and Tammy, is alternately either a trailer park or a strip club. But no. That, in fact, has also already been done, and actually, it was done quite well in this movie trailer, which inspired my original post.

So I decided to go with something else entirely. Without further ado:

BABY NAME RULE #9: Do not change the first letter of a name from "C" to "K"
Unless you've been living in a cave for the last few years, I'm willing to bet that you immediately thought of a particular family. Yes, that's right, I'm talking about the Kardashians, that trashy train wreck of a family that is famous, as near as I can figure, for being trashy train wrecks.

My 7-year-old niece, Chloe, the most awesome kid on the planet, saw a picture of Khloe Kardashian on a magazine cover a while back, and pointed it out to my mother. "Look," she said, "that lady spells Chloe with a 'K.'"

"I know," my mother responded. "Isn't that silly?"

To which my brilliant, beautiful niece replied with matter-of-fact indignation, "It's not silly, it's wrong!"

'Nuff said.

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